I don't think I am the only one, and I don't think it is something that "just happens". I think society secretly encourages us to always portray ourselves as happy, even when we aren't.

So many people who know me, who have read my blog post regarding how dark my life often is, could not believe it was me. For so long I have always told everyone how great my life is, and how happy and lucky I am. But on the inside I am very sad.

Why do I do this? Why do I lie and tell people I am happy when I'm not? Is it pride, or shame, or both? Maybe it is society who do not allow me to respond to the "How are you?" with "Pretty damn crappy, actually"?

I have been thinking about this for some time, and trying to figure out why I do this. And believe it or not, it has taken the learning of another language to finally find this missing piece of the puzzle.

About 3 months ago I started learning to speak Chinese (Mandarin). Not surprisingly, the first few phrases that were taught were your typical greetings; hello, how are you, I'm good, I'm very good, etc. etc. And yes, you guessed it, I still haven't learnt how to say "I am really crappy".

This clear and intentional disclusion from the learning material sparked curiosity in me, and before long I realised, hey, even in English we rarely respond negatively when asked how we are. So many times I have been fighting back tears when asked by a checkout operator how I am, and I always say "Good thanks, how about you?" And they always respond with the same answer, too.

And how many times have you asked how someone is, and get really annoyed when they actually start telling you how bad their day is? Why do we bother asking how people are if we really couldn't give a rat's ass if they are doing badly?

Apparently it is impolite not to ask, but isn't it more impolite to lie? And to think, we actually verge on considering it rude when people are honest about how they are!

To be honest, I've really had such a crappy day today, and I really want to tell the next person who asks me how I am that I am really shit. I have had a bad day. I am stressed. I am depressed. I have shed a few tears. I really want to cry.

But do you think I will? I doubt it. I will just grit my teeth together, smile, and tell them I am great. Then I will show just how polite I am by asking them how they are, even though I am so depressed I couldn't give a shit if the world was caving in. And then they will tell me they are great. And I will sit and wonder whether they really are great, or if they are lying like me.

I've often sat and envied all my friends who all seem to be so happy. Thinking to myself; if only you knew what my life was really like. But then I wonder; what if they are lying about their lives as well? Is it a common thing to convince the world around you that you are happier than you are?

But it's not really the kind of question you ask someone, is it?