As a kid, I was surrounded by people I didn't understand, and they didn't understand me either. I didn't like life growing up like that, but told myself that things wouldn't be like that forever. One day I would be an adult and be in control of my own life. In a life shrouded in a neverending blanket of grey clouds, I could still manage to see the occasional ray of sunshine break its way through.

Now, as an adult, those clouds are still there. But instead, as I get older, the frequency of the ray of sunshine breaking through is becoming less and less. The clouds seem to be getting thicker and darker, and moving in on me. I have no more control, but a lot less hope.

I always thought that having a brain would mean you would be OK in this world, but it is becoming more apparent that this world is being run by idiots. Don't get me wrong, I may not agree with many politicians, but I do respect the hard work they have done to get where they have. And I know they are very smart. I am talking about the people on the ground - the business owners and managers. Just like you don't need a licence or any training to be a parent, even though it is one of the most important jobs in the world, neither it seems do managers.

I have studied management and good workplace practices, and yet here I am being judged by off-the-street managers. Most of whom show clear signs of having no formal management training. So how can an educated person penetrate an uneducated industry, when most of these uneducated managers despise and reject a university education? It's like they gather together and say, "We gotta show these university fools".

Don't get me wrong, I'm not the hugest fan of the tertiary education system, but it is hard work to complete a degree, and you DO learn a great deal throughout that time. And if nothing else, a tertiary education at least says some things about a person: motivated, dedicated, willing and able to learn, ambitious, the list goes on.

So even after all the hard work to increase my paper appearance, it seems I am in even more of a pickle than what I used to be. I might have only been able to get dead-end jobs back then, but at least I was bringing home an income. Now, I have nothing, even though I am fighting harder than I ever have before.

The pressure on every aspect of my life is building, and as I said before, that little ray of sunshine that shines through the clouds occasionally is fading. Ray of sunshine, ray of hope, my friend, where are you? I haven't seen you for so long.

I used to fight my way through a painful life, keeping my mind set on that ray of hope. But now, as that hope fades, I don't know what to fight for anymore. I don't know where to aim.

Life seems to be getting darker and darker by the day. I used to be scared of death, but not anymore. Now it just seems like something that will happen to put an end to all this seemingly endless fighting. Maybe that is slowly becoming my new ray of sunshine?